A few years back, I had a girlfriend who proudly announced to us one night after a few drinks that she could pee standing up– just like a boy. We peppered her with questions. Don’t you make a mess? What about your shoes? What about your clothes? How in the hell…? We didn’t get many clear answers that night, just her reason for learning– she didn’t want to let her big brother one-up her. I don’t know how many times I’ve wished for that simple ability. Camping. Dirty bars. Squatter toilets. Outhouses. Port-a-pottys. Whether my friend could or not, still remains a mystery. We weren’t close enough that I could ask for a demonstration. But now my dream has come true because I CAN PEE LIKE A BOY!
“After my success with my skirt on,
I got cocky”
I first became aware of the “female urination device,” or FUD, when I was at my travel clinic appointment. The pharmacist told me she was getting some in, and seeing as I was travelling to a land of squatters, I was intrigued. I went home and did some research. The first several I found online weren’t cheap, in the $50 and $60 range. I wasn’t convinced it would work, so I wasn’t dropping that kind of cash. Then on Amazon I spotted a bargain– the P EZ! The styling wasn’t as slick, but the concept was the same. And only $2.93 with free shipping!! Definitely worth my pennies to give it a go.
My new boy part arrived quickly. I had a glass of water, then another. Finally, time to try it out! I’ll admit I was nervous. I was going to test it in the shower first, but my lack of patience got the better of me and I went for it. And it worked! I forgot to put the seat up. Such a girl. I peed on the seat. More water. Second try was better. Seat up, no dribbles where they shouldn’t be. Success! I can officially pee standing up!
For those who prefer to skip the finder details on how this worked for me, I suggest you skip to the next paragraph. I am able to use my P EZ (he he) with skirts on, but jeans are another story. Even with my pants loosened considerably, I can’t make it work. After my success with my skirt on, I got cocky (yeah, I said it ;), and tried it with jeans. Mess everywhere. Wet pants, wet feet, wet bathroom mat and a floor wash-up required. Sigh. Perhaps this is where the more expensive FUDs would show their worth. There are a few different types of designs that may slip in a bit more easily. After a few tries, I gave up trying with jeans. Not worth the laundry.
To use is, hold it tightly cupped against yourself, under your urethra. You should know when you have a good fit. Grooming down there helps get a tighter fit. Now that you’ve got it in place, nervously let go! You can move the tube part with your hand to guide the stream of urine if you need to. It was a bit hard to let go standing up because I’m not used to it, but once I’d done it a few times, I had no problem. When you’re done, you gently wipe the back lip of the device against yourself to catch any drips. Wipe with TP if you prefer. I do, but in a pinch it does a pretty good job of cleaning you up. Certainly better than that old familiar shake-your-bottom and drip dry. Rinse your device if you have water available. If not, give it a little shake and put it in a bag and wash with soap and water when you get home. I found only a couple drops of urine stuck to it, as it’s made of silicone, so it’s not like you’re toting around a dripping device.
Along with a possible design flaw using it with pants, the one downfall of this device over some of the more expensive ones is that it doesn’t come with a travel bag or tube to stuff it in when you’re done. For $2.93, I was okay with this and made my own. I used fabric that I ironed on a waterproof coating to and added Velcro and a carabiner. Easy peasy. The tutorial for these kinds of bags will be in my next post, but if you don’t sew, any sort of small tube or baggie should work. I was first going to grab one of those tubes from the dollar store that you use at the beach to carry keys or money. Something like that would be perfect.
I think this device is the wonderful complement to travel, especially in hot countries if you plan to live in skirts and dresses like I am. You never know where you’re going to have to go. I’m sure we’ve all seen some pretty frightening ladies’ washrooms. What do you think? Ever had penis envy? Would you use one?
Images courtesy of anankkml and stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net, and altered by me.
